Where did November go?

It’s the one month out of 12 that probably flies by the fastest during a given year. Just when you’re done with Halloween decorations and sending pictures of your costume off to friends, you turn around and see that Thanksgiving has approached, Black Friday swoops in and a few days later, it’s December. How does that happen?

I’ve had a few theories on this phenomenon so allow me to elaborate, albeit briefly.

1) You decorate heavily for Halloween and Christmas – not for Thanksgiving

Sure, you make turkey-themed vegatable spreads and the kids at school bring home turkeys drawn from their hand, but you don’t really decorate for Thanksgiving like you do for Halloween or Christmas. It’s just not a holiday to do so. Instead you’ll spend your days prepping food, making travel arrangements, and ultimately deciding on which relatives you can tolerate the most on a day that will likely involve tons of food, football, and yelling at televisions.How lovely. By the time you’re taking down your Halloween decor, you’ve cooked a turkey and are already gearing up for December. Yes, the transition allows little time to contemplate what is really happening here.

2) There are hardly any movies centered around Thanksgiving.

Can you even name five films about Thanksgiving? How about five songs? The annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade does not count for either category, by the way. Where Halloween and Christmas have gads of films and songs circulating their big day, Thanksgiving gets the shaft. No documentary of the pilgrim’s first historic supper; no sing-along dedicated to the slaughtering of turkeys; not one shout of praise concerning this ancient tradition. And before you start Googling (as I know you will be), try coming up with a song of your own. Thanksgiving needs one anyway.

3) Christmas music starts in November

This is rather straightforward. If we begin to hear the tunes of Christmas, we start to put our minds in that very place. This year started a little early for me as Jingle Bell Rock hit the airwaves as early as November the 18th (for the sake of the Jewish community, I’ll stick with a holiday-themed song). Sure, I want to get in the spirit as much as anybody else, but mid-November? That’s a little premature is it not? Well, to millions of Americans, apparently it’s not.

4) Thanksgiving puts us in a food coma (among other things)

Another straightforward reason for why November flies on by. Once you’ve eaten enough food on Thanksgiving, your body and brain go on relative shut down for about 72 hours. That’s three whole days people. Despite our best intentions, we may walk away from a relative’s house with a stomach full of cranberry sauce, pumpkin rolls, turkey and enough potatoes to back up one’s colon for a whole weekend. And when the time comes to “cleanse” the bowels, you’d best find a public restroom because Lord knows your house plumbing is not meant to handle what’s about to take place.

5) Lastly, it may snow in November, which again, makes us think of December.

Unless you live in Hawaii, there’s a chance you’ll see some snow in November during the year. And when it comes, you’re filled with mixed emotions. Sure, it’s nice to have a change of scenery, and the trees look so beautiful with that single coat of snow on their branches, but come on, does the temperature really have to drop? What if it snowed when it was warm? Would that be more fun? Or just annoying? I can’t really decide as the mere concept makes my head hurt (as well as bring back some painful memories). The last time I associated myself with “warm” and “snow”, someone was peeing their pants on the taboggan. Who that was, I’ll take that to the grave.

And hey, that too makes me think of December. The peeing your pants part, of course.

Comments

  1. I want to know where the year went….I am afraid if I blink, it will be New years.

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